As My Friend Died I Faced My Worst Fears…
“How do I know if I’m coaching right?”
…my client just asked me, riddled with doubt.
Her fears were holding her back.
And I realized that fear is inevitable for any coach…
…From novice to master level.
What fear is holding you back?
- Fear of not being a good enough coach?
- Fear of giving an embarrassing webinar?
- Fear of clients rejecting you?
- Fear of investing in your business and having nothing to show for it?
Fear protects you from the unknown.
If your brain doesn’t recognize something as familiar and safe…
…it’ll warn you that you are in danger.
FEAR is that danger warning.
So you’re bound to experience fear anytime you step outside your comfort zone.
If you’ve never created a coaching business before…
…your brain thinks that it’s dangerous… something to avoid.
…which creates fear.
And you might think that you’re afraid of..
- losing money
- being rejected
- never achieving your business goals…
…But you’re really afraid of how you’ll FEEL if/when that happens:
- the shame.
- the guilt.
- the overwhelm.
- The embarrassment.
And you’ll probably feel those emotions from time to time as you grow your coaching business.
But, those emotions can never really stop you…
…it’s your fear of experiencing those emotions that stops you.
What can an emotion actually do to you?
It’s merely a feeling in your body.
Since emotions can’t really hurt you… fear doesn’t have to protect you.
“So, wait… Colette, you’re saying I don’t need to be afraid of asking my client for the money?”
“…or making that big investment?”
“…or quitting my day job??”
That’s right.
Fear doesn’t have to protect you from your emotions.
“So what do you do instead of being afraid of those emotions?”
FEEL THEM.
What happens when you allow yourself to feel those feelings…
…instead of hiding from them?
It’s NOT easy…
Last summer I watched my dear high school friend slowly die from cancer.
There were a lot of emotions to process…
…like fear, guilt, and sadness.
As I lay in bed one evening…
…surrounded by a pile of used tissues…
…I allowed myself to process my emotions.
- I felt the sensations in my body… the tightness in my stomach that felt like a big, dark, hard lump…
- I cleared my mind of any thoughts that would add fuel to the emotional fire…such as catastrophizing thoughts of what might happen in the future.
- I accepted my emotions as normal… “This is Grief. This is what Grief feels like.”
And as I processed these emotions…
…the intensity decreased.
…and I realized I would survive.
The benefit of processing my grief?
Bringing magical moments, comfort, and peace for a dying friend.
…because I was comfortable with her.
We laughed a lot together… making jokes like silly teenagers.
…and sometimes we cried.
We were able to be truly present with each other…
…instead of hiding our emotions.
Processing my emotions allowed me to support my friend at a time when other friends felt too uncomfortable to visit…
…because they were afraid to face their emotions.
When you process emotions…
…instead of running from them…
…experiencing those emotions becomes less scary.
How do you run from your negative emotions?
- overeating or over drinking?
- plain old procrastinating?
- being busy with activities that don’t matter?
Whatever your pattern… it’s not serving you…
But you can change it with some courage.
When you know you can process any emotion…
…and survive…
…you’ll develop the self confidence that allows you to take massive action toward your goals.
Because you will know that even if you experience failure…
…or shame…
…or overwhelm…
You can handle it.
So…
What would you achieve if you knew that whatever happened…
…you would not only survive…
…but grow more confident?
Because if you want the rainbow…
…then you’ll soon go through the storm.
Colette “Feeling it” Coiner
Dr. Colette Coiner, PCC, PT, DPT, FAAOMPT
Associate Dean, Master Coach University
