My ‘Time Lie’ [MOM VS. COACH?]
I blamed my family for why my coaching business wasn’t working.
But I was lying to myself…
I told myself I didn’t have time for my coaching business because my family needed me…
…when in reality I wasn’t willing to face my fear.
Let me explain…
As a mom, I’ve always drawn a line in the sand about what I was willing (or not willing) to give up for my coaching business.
A few years ago, I needed more time to work on my business and I struggled to decide what I could give up to create more time.
I knew I didn’t want to spend less time with my kids, so I decided to give up cooking.
I hired a friend of mine to come in and prepare food for the family as a personal chef…
…which sounded amazing to everyone else.
But, I was actually worried.
- What if my family liked HER cooking better than mine?
- What if they didn’t need me anymore?
- What if she completely REPLACED me?
But then, with my coach’s help, I saw my blind spot.
I was actually lying to myself…
I told myself
“I don’t have time for my coaching business because my family needs me…”
And I had PROOF that I didn’t have time…
I would hover over my son all day, begging him to finish his homework.
By the end of the day, I was frazzled and frustrated…
…and had no business progress to show for it.
(Not to mention that my son probably saw me as a hypocrite.
I was ‘all over him’ about his own work…
…while I wasn’t even doing mine!)
What did my coach help me realize?
He helped me realize that the lie that I didn’t “have time”…
…protected me from facing much bigger fears.
…the fear of putting 100% into my coaching business and failing.
…The fear of losing my ‘essential mom’ status with my kids… losing their dependence on me.
My coach helped me realize that giving up cooking wasn’t going to save me…
…I had to give up the story that I was the mom who did everything.
…the mom who everyone depended on.
…the mom who sacrificed her dreams for her family.
I had to give up those stories so I could work through my fears and start working on my coaching practice in earnest.
Ironically, when I stopped telling myself I was too busy being a mom to work on my coaching business, I became a more patient and loving mom.
After telling myself the TRUTH about my fears, I was brave enough to let my son do his own homework while I put serious time into my own business.
Now, instead of a nagging and annoying mom…
…I showed up as a leader to my son…
…inspiring him to get his work done ON HIS OWN.
Now he’s getting A’s in school… and without my “help”!
It turned out I didn’t need to give anything up…
…except my own excuses.
I had to take responsibility for my life and to stop trying to control other people’s lives…
…even if that control was packaged in a ‘good mom’ wrapper.
I had to stop telling that story, and that story was all about FEAR.
Sometimes your story will make fear appear reasonable to you.
Your fear could look like a busy schedule…
Your fear could look like you caring for your family.
But when you give up your excuses for not following your dreams…
…and face your fears…
…it’s amazing how much easier things become.
As my coaching business grows, I continue to ask myself…
“What am I willing to let go of?”
This question helps me locate my fears, and how they might stop me.
This question leads me to let go of things I can’t control, and to focus on the most important things.
What do you need to let go of to set yourself free?
Colette “Let it Gooooooo” Coiner
Dr. Colette Coiner, PCC, PT, DPT, FAAOMPT
Associate Dean, Master Coach University